Is it me, or does the sentence, “…it is clear that sexual orientation is not a predictor of a person's ability to parent”seem like just plain old (not-so) common sense to you??
Finally tonight as promised, a Special Comment on the passage, last week, of Proposition Eight in California, which rescinded the right of same-sex couples to marry, and tilted the balance on this issue, from coast to coast.
Some parameters, as preface. This isn't about yelling, and this isn't about politics, and this isn't really just about Prop-8, and I don't have a personal investment in this: I'm not gay, I had to strain to think of one member of even my very extended family who is, I have no personal stories of close friends or colleagues fighting the prejudice that still pervades their lives.
And yet to me this vote is horrible. Horrible. Because this isn't about yelling, and this isn't about politics; this is about the human heart, and if that sounds corny, so be it.
If you voted for this Proposition or support those who did, or the sentiment they expressed, I have some questions, because, truly, I do not understand. Why does this matter to you? What is it to you? In a time of impermanence and fly-by-night relationships, these people over here want the same chance at permanence and happiness that is your option. They don't want to deny you yours. They don't want to take anything away from you. They want what you want—a chance to be a little less alone in the world.
Only now you are saying to them, "No You can't have it on these terms; maybe something similar--if they behave, if they don't cause too much trouble. You'll even give them all the same legal rights—even as you're taking away the legal right, which they already had. A world around them, still anchored in love and marriage, and you are saying, "No, you can't marry." What if somebody passed a law that said you couldn't marry?
I keep hearing this term "re-defining" marriage. If this country hadn't re-defined marriage, black people still couldn't marry white people. Sixteen states had laws on the books which made that illegal in 1967. 1967.
The parents of the President-Elect of the United States couldn't have married in nearly one third of the states of the country their son grew up to lead. But it's worse than that: If this country had not "re-defined" marriage, some black people still couldn't marry black people. It is one of the most overlooked and cruelest parts of our sad story of slavery. Marriages were not legally recognized, if the people were slaves. Since slaves were property, they could not legally be husband and wife, or mother and child. Their marriage vows were different: not "Until Death Do You Part," but "Until Death or Distance Do You Part." Marriages among slaves were not legally recognized. You know, just like marriages today in California are not legally recognized, if the people are gay.
And uncountable in our history are the number of men and women, forced by society into marrying the opposite sex, in sham marriages, or marriages of convenience, or just marriages of not knowing, centuries of men and women who have lived their lives in shame and unhappiness, and who have, through a lie to themselves or others, broken countless other lives, of spouses and children, all because we said a man couldn't marry another man, or a woman couldn't marry another woman.
The sanctity of marriage.
How many marriages like that have there been and how on earth do they increase the "sanctity" of marriage rather than render the term meaningless?
What is this to you? Nobody is asking you to embrace their expression of love, but don't you, as human beings, have to embrace...that love? The world is barren enough: it is stacked against love, and against hope, and against those very few and precious emotions that enable us to go forward. Your marriage only stands a 50-50 chance of lasting, no matter how much you feel and how hard you work.
And here are people overjoyed at the prospect of just that chance and that work, just for the hope of having that feeling. With so much hate in the world, with so much meaningless division, and people pitted against people for no good reason, this is what your religion tells you to do? With your experience of life and this world and all its sadnesses, this is what your conscience tells you to do?
With your knowledge that life, with endless vigor, seems to tilt the playing field on which we all live, in favor of unhappiness and hate...this is what your heart tells you to do? You want to sanctify marriage? You want to honor your God and the universal love you believe He represents? Then Spread happiness—this tiny, symbolic, semantical grain of happiness—share it with all those who seek it. Quote me anything from your religious leader or book of choice telling you to stand against this, and then tell me how you can believe both that statement and another statement, another one which reads only "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
You are asked now, by your country, and perhaps by your creator, to stand on one side or another. You are asked now to stand, not on a question of politics, not on a question of religion, not on a question of gay or straight. You are asked now to stand on a question of love. All you need do is stand, and let the tiny ember of love meet its own fate: you don't have to help it, you don't have it applaud it, you don't have to fight for it. Just don't put it out. Just don't extinguish it. Because while it may at first look like that love is between two people you don't know and you don't understand and maybe you don't even want to know, it is, in fact, the ember of your love for your fellow person just because this is the only world we have, and the other guy counts, too.
This is the second time in ten days I find myself concluding by turning to, of all things, the closing plea for mercy by Clarence Darrow in a murder trial.
But what he said fits what is really at the heart of this:
"I was reading last night of the aspiration of the old Persian poet, Omar-Khayyam," he told the judge. It appealed to me as the highest that I can vision. I wish it was in my heart, and I wish it was in the hearts of all: So I be written in the Book of Love; I do not care about that Book above. Erase my name, or write it as you will, So I be written in the Book of Love."
You take the good, You take the bad, You take 'em both, And there you have, The Facts of Life, The Facts of Life...
For those of you golden oldies (like me), I am sure you remember the theme song of The Facts of Life. No doubt, you recall Mrs. Garrett, Tootie, Blair, Natalie & Jo.
Well, yesterday was my own Facts of Life election.
No, not because it was funny or wacky or reminiscent of my early days at Eastland School.
It was my Facts of Life election because, while the electoral news I got yesterday was overwhelmingly "good", I also had to take my share of the "bad," too.
Whether you voted for or supported Barack Obama or not, you have to acknowledge the historical significance of the first African-American to be elected as President of the United States. Considering our country's shameful record where African Americans are concerned, this is a huge, huge, huge deal. Barack Obama's election will not fix all that is broken where race relations in this country is concerned, but it is a very welcome sign that we can and should do better in that arena. Barack Obama obviously inspires many millions of people & gave us more than a reason to vote for him, but to Hope again. Yes He Did.
I am Democrat. I am pretty sure that anyone who knows me well at all knows that. No surprise. Also, it can't be a big surprise that I am simply over-joyed at the fact that President-elect Obama (GOD, I LOVE WRITING AND SAYING THOSE WORDS!!) will be taking a lot more Democrats with him to Washington. I pray they will work hard to keep the pretty promises they made us, and that they have learned a grand lesson from the Grand Old Party in how to NOT run a country. I hope that their integrity & the sacred trust we have placed on their shoulders means as much to them as it does to those of us who are looking to them to lead us out of the Economic Valley of the Shadow of Death. I hope they really, truly understand--in the deepest, truest part of their being--that business as usual has long passed its expiration date, and that political & ethical shenanigans will not be tolerated by the voters whether you have an (R) or a (D) after your name. I hope my party (of whom I have been ashamed from time to time through the years) knows that--unlike the Republicans who used to be good at being elected but horrible at running a government--the American people desperately want & instinctively need leaders who love their country too much to just say anything to get elected & then leave a trail of broken promises after the limelight has dimmed. I hope my party knows that the American people are ready to get down to business & to work to fix all the things that so badly need fixing. I hope they understand the trust they have earned in the votes cast for them are sacred beyond words, and should be treated as such. I hope they know that We, The People will follow where leaders with true hearts & a clear vision beckon us to go, as we prepare to face the myriad challenges of the post-Bush era.
Last night was a long night for me. I cheered & I cried & I began to feel that good old American pride again. It was almost more than I could have hoped for...almost.
As I took stock last night of all the blessings that liberty brought me & my fellow citizens on this quadrennial first Tuesday after the first Monday in November, and as I realized the true heights to which an American, of even the lowest of station can soar with but a sacred vote, I was soon brought back to earth by cruel reality, a.k.a those "bad" facts of life.
Though I had somehow dared to hope for better, apparently I thought more of my fellow citizens than they think of me.
Here in Florida, even with the bar being set relatively high when it comes to adding an amendment to our state's constitution (60% of the vote + 1 is needed), 62% of Sunshine State voters insisted on raining on my parade. Apparently, I present such a threat to the precious sanctity of their marriages that 4 separate statutes in Florida law weren't enough to protect them. I, obviously of lesser humanity, seeking to destroy what heterosexuals claim to have honored since time immemorial, deserved extra-special punishment; I deserve my second-class citizenship enshrined in this state's most sacred legal document. No doubt they know they have done their God's work by pressing their figurative boots deeper into my figurative throat; doing all within their power to squeeze the very breath out of the hope I had so naively placed in the supposed better angels of their nature.
I am smote, and all is well in the world again. Or is it? What further castigation awaits me in the recesses of their minds & in the darkness of their proud & haughty hearts, should I yet again displease God's chosen? What remains in their Religious bag of tricks for those like me who dare to flagrantly follow our hearts? What more can be taken from me? What else of my life is at their mercy? My life itself??
And, my dear Golden State of California. I lived part of my life there when I was a child, and I grew to love that place. It was truly Golden for me. I didn't leave my heart in San Francisco, but I did leave it in Baldwin Park, California a very long time ago. I know that the heart I left there must be sad & broken & feeling as if it was only ever fool's gold.
I will not pretend to know what it must be like to have your heart's desire & to finally have your government honor your family, only to see your neighbors & fellow citizens cruelly throw it all away, as if it were nothing but garbage, and to do it with such sheer, perverse, ugly joy:
Look long & hard at this picture. These are the champions, my friends. How full their own hearts must be right now knowing they have stopped same-gender couples from making families. They have no idea the perversity of their victory, nor any inkling that they cannot possibly stop two hearts from doing what hearts do, even after life is taken from them & they permanently stop beating. How, in their lust for the knowledge of waging spiritual war without end, can they not fully grasp the simple idea that Love Conquers All?
Can they be so self-centered & so bloodthirsty that they cannot grasp this most obvious Fact of Life?
So, I have said my piece & I have made it known how I hurt & how I resent being seen as less than those who believe they are more-than-deserving of the right to banish me from their Kingdom of Make-Believe Morality.
I choose to not dwell on all this because my life means more to me than constantly seething over the evil that men (and women) seek to do to people like me in the name of the Lord. My life is filled with people who love me & whom I love so very much in return. I have had many, many years to come to terms with the fact that part of my reality, by obvious necessity, is that I live in a world with people who unnecessarily fear me & hate me without knowing anything at all about me, except that I am not completely like them, but--in spite of it all--I know I am blessed, and, now, with a new President ready to shake things up that have long needed shaking, I am hopeful that we are all due for a little more of "the good."
From the Orlando Sentinel poll I just found today online.
I know it's unofficial, but it's till so surprising to me! Just as an FYI, even though we are going to have a referendum in November regarding marriage equality rights, in our state, 60% of those voting have to approve any amendments to the Florida constitution. I know it will be a tough fight, but it sure made me smile to see these preliminary results from the beating "RED" heart of Florida....
Newly-single GWM who is (trying to be) more than "just" gay, and white and male. Still learning & still trying to determine what makes me, me after "living" the first 3/4 or so of my life in the closet. I am discovering, little-by-little, that the answer to Cher's musical question, "Is there life after love?" is "Apparently so...". That answer, however, comes with an important codicil: it doesn't mean that it'll be easy or heartbreak-free; as the old Lynn Anderson song goes--none of us is "promised...a rose garden".
There are many little quotes, sayings, and other little bits of wisdom that have helped me to understand my life just a little better. A soupçon of which follows:
“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” --Maya Angelou
"It's not what you are that holds you back, it's what you think you're not." --Denis Waitley
To Mr. Waitley's point, I am also beginning to see that sometimes the greatest hindrance to a joy-filled life is the person living that life because we believe we don't deserve it...but we do...ALL OF US do.
48.5% 
